Keep in mind that most people define love (main attribute of marriage) in 2 completely opposite meanings. Two opposite definitions of “love”.

All or most of male-female relationships depends on one main factor –
what love definition you use.
Depending on context, love usually has two completely opposite meanings (definitions, understandings, notions) and most typical mistake is swapping or mixing these 2 meanings. Where is directed flow of love – to you or to this person?:

  • LOVE TO YOURSELF OR TAKING in a context of other person who actuates passion or desire and pleasure you get through this person. We call “it beloved” person. In fact this is selfish, egoistic love, directed to oneself, taking of energy from other (from spouse), focus to subjective feelings, emotions. I feel love, instead of I care about other’s feelings. In fact this is love to yourself and caring about yourself mostly. Of course indirectly it makes pleasure to other person, but selfisness dominates
  • CARING ABOUT OTHER PERSON OR GIVING. Technically or strictly speaking only this is true love. Love as unconditional giving of energy, giving of real pleasure to other person and care directed to other person (to spouse, opposite sex). Care about real needs of other person. This is really not easy, because you have to know exactly basic typical needs (and often in  addition – to know unique specific needs). Only this is real love. In general it needs conscious mental effort, willpower, sacrifice of your life-power to other person. If you do not hit exactly to needs of other person and if this person don’t get real pleasure, so if there is no end satisfaction result feeling – usually this is person finally flees/quits/separates/divorces.

In classical meaning of couple relationships love is bidirectional and unconditional giving should be primary, and taking – only secondary. In this model both sides sacrifice to each other (more less) equally and take from each other  (more less) equally.  And they sacrifice-dedicate entire life (term) to each other and whole their soul to each other.

Monodirectional love is sacrifice only or love without reply. This is separate question and normal marriage relationship in such case is hard, complicated or even impossible. But in some cases persist.

When you really give – you always sacrifice something important  to you, usually some type of energy (knowledge, life-power, money,  attention-time, food and so on).

To change attitude, standpoint and behaviour from selfish egoistic love to sacrifice or altruistic love is serious challenge. This is one big general problem of relationships.

So my formula of successful marriage is that one type of love (selfish) should be gradually converted to caring type of love. This includes many things, but the principle is one and clear.


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