By Tomas Yono
The essence of creating a couple-family does not lie simply in pleasure,but in the growth of the quality and intensity of pleasure
as well as an essential shift in the rules of the game.
There is a certain set of rules that applies when one person plays basketball. When two or more people are in the game – an entirely different set of rules applies. Playing basketball alone is quite boring, but playing it with others is much more interesting. The more interesting and pleasurable the game – the more complex the rules. Team play does not only require you to learn how to accurately make shots, but also how to pass the ball to another member of the team who is in the best position to make a move. You have to think about all the members on the team at the same time, not only about yourself.
Life is wonderful because it does not end with childhood and the teenage years. A mature and independent individual begins to receive a limitless variety of pleasures from life.
Pleasure does not only serve as an instrument to keep human beings alive. If there is too much pleasure, no moderation, or too little pleasure, a lot of trouble arises – but this is a subject unto itself.
The wonder of life lies in the fact that a person can rise to ever higher qualitative levels and in turn receive stronger and more mature types of pleasure. Apart from this, every subsequent level means more than just greater pleasure – the relationship between the givers and takers of pleasure changes as well, as does the number and combination of individuals receiving pleasure.
Which is exactly why the rules of the game change too.
The levels are approximately as follows:
All of these levels of pleasure do not cancel each other out, but accumulate over the course of life and even repeat themselves on new levels.
For example, parents have to play children’s games again – only this time with their children and for the sake of their children. They have to teach their kids their ABCs – something that they learned to do themselves in their childhood. However, the parents do this on an entirely different level, and playing becomes a serious and very important matter. Adults often give each other expensive souvenir toys or shiny items that have no practical use as gifts, but they delight in these gifts in the same way that children would.
At the beginning of life, man plays with pretend objects in the sandbox, building pretend castles, but as he grows, he starts to play with big, powerful, living and real toys. At the beginning of life, someone else has to take care of this person because he is not yet capable of taking care of himself. Pleasure is given as a gift to him by his parents. The child is a pure 100% selfish receiver. Small children take everything that they can from their parents.
Then follows the stage of youth, when a young person has to learn how to take care of themselves.
Later, as this young person creates their family, they make the transition to the level of a two-person mini-team, when givers and receivers of pleasure are two related people. A huge qualitative change occurs in this stage, and the rules of the game change cardinally as well. The old rules of a person-receiver no longer apply, they can even become dangerous within the context of a family – they go against the nature of a team and they are strictly illegal.
This is similar to driving according to the rules of one-way traffic on a two-way road.
An adult has to start to give, to give pleasure to others, instead of just taking.
If two such young people meet, who are still living in the earlier teenage stage according to the rules of selfishness, they will try to TAKE pleasure for several years and, not having learned to GIVE in return, they will be disappointed that circulation did not happen, that the family engine did not start, and they will think that divorce is the only solution. However, the right alternative is entirely different: you must learn the new rules of couple/family two-way traffic. To GIVE pleasure to another without expecting to get anything immediately, or to give first and take later. The result is that both players receive even more intense pleasure at the same time. You just need to read the instructions. An engine will not start automatically.
Continuing to try after divorce without understanding the rules, without getting to know the instructions will only lead to further disappointments.
There is a small subtlety: men and women are creatures that complement each other, giving and receiving in different areas of life in different ways – this is one of the most interesting and special facts of learning which will require the most attention and understanding. This is what a knowledge of age-old family roles is for.
In a family, you must first learn to PROVIDE pleasure, and only later take something for yourself, much like everyone brings food to a picnic to share with everyone else. Selfish childish thinking prevents you from wanting to give up your contribution, sacrificing your part for common enjoyment, however, as you join the group and surrender your food for everyone to share, it turns out that eating and talking together produces significantly more pleasure than eating alone in hiding.
One of the most important golden family rules is to ONLY GIVE PLEASURE AND DO NOT GIVE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT OF PAIN. This is one further step towards understanding.
Not only do the new rules require you to learn to give, they also require you to stop trying to squeeze your partner like a lemon and to stop forcing things out of them. This means losing the habit of putting even the slightest psychological pressure on your partner. This is not immediately obvious to those who have not experienced daily life with a close one. Besides, it is not easy to get rid of passive habits such as the pressuring we have grown used to reacting with against the psychological and social pressures placed upon us by society. Within a couple, such behaviour is strictly illegal and leads straight to divorce.
Being part of a family means much greater pleasure than being single, however, the pleasure of living in a family has its own rules and price – you have to sacrifice your old way of thinking as well as your youthful habits of selfishness and pressuring others.
This is a far from easy, but it is a necessary lesson for young and professional self-seekers. This can all be learned during the first few years when passion is still strong, before the 2–3 year family crisis hits.
Families generate much greater and stronger pleasures than a single young person can come up with and create alone.
Taking care of the family as a mini-team composed of 2-10 individuals (giving yourself to your family) speeds up flows of energy and generates a great surge of life in a person’s brain, blood circulation and the circulation of life energy in general. This is how fulfilling life begins, and all of Space and the entire Universe revolves around it.
However, pleasure does not end within the confines of family. Family life gives an individual the energy to reach even further levels. They become involved in community, team, work, national and state activity, which produces pleasure (benefits, products, services) for thousands of people.
An even further level is humanity itself. This is an even higher degree for those who are mature enough for such a thing and understand it.
Over the course of life, an individual matures gradually from a receiving person to a giving one. Apart from this, a motive starts to crystallise as well – WHY is it that this happens. If the motive is wrong or immature, even when you finally do receive something, you will not get any real pleasure or delight from it. On the other hand, the right motive generates the strongest and most pronounced pleasure. This is great wisdom. A motive leads to completeness.
A great example of this is the intimacy between a man and a woman. This intimacy itself is a pleasure of the purest sort, and one that humanity cannot live without. Traditionally, intimacy is considered to have 3 purposes/motives: pleasure, making children and the full and multi-faceted union of man and wife. If a man and a woman get together for one night purely for the pleasure of it – this is prostitution (promiscuity). And even if a husband and wife come together purely for pleasure then this is de facto promiscuity as well – such a couple will not last long. However, if a husband and wife come together for both pleasure and for complete union – they can live together their entire lives. However, a couple comes together for the purpose of producing children as well – together partners experience the greatest pleasure and fulfilment. If a couple can have children, but they prevent this from happening by using artificial chemical or mechanical means, many impossible to solve psychological and health-related problems will arise. Besides, they give up receiving the greatest pleasure of all because the wrong unconscious motive becomes the fly in the ointment.
The prevention of child production can only be allowed in extreme cases, i.e., when the mother’s life or health is in danger.
Goals and motives have to change completely when going into family life. The aim of “me” has to be replaced by the aim of “we, family”.
Besides, the aim has to be to multiply and not stay the same as you were or decrease in numbers.
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